The United States should bring back the conscription, but for restaurant jobs
Summary
A straphanger pitches mandatory restaurant conscription for all Americans aged 16 to 20, arguing that service industry work builds empathy, work ethic, and proper morals. Picture this: you're drafted as an Olive Garden dishwasher, befriend a 68-year-old waitress named Deborah who teaches you "light tax fraud," then fall for a manic pixie dream girl hostess while working as a barback. Kareem bonds with the rider over their own formative restaurant jobs. McDonald's at $5.05 an hour. The Wing as a dishwasher. They agree on universal truths: always split bills evenly, the birthday person never pays, and anyone who hasn't cried in a walk-in freezer shouldn't vote. The rider's hot take? No equal rights without service industry experience.
Full Transcript
So, what's your take? The United States should bring back the conscription, but for restaurant jobs.
100% agree. We reinstate the draft and every single citizen from 16 to 20 has to work in a mandatory service industry job. And this would make you a a more functional member of society. You would have correct morals. You'd have good worker politics. It's so much better. I mean, picture okay. You're like 16 years old. You get drafted as a dishwasher at Olive Garden. You learn about empathy. You learn about work ethic. Your best friend is a 68-year-old waitress whose name is Deborah and she's a grandmother. She works by day as a guidance counselor. She teaches you about the importance of intergenerational friendship and also she teaches you like light tax fraud. And then you move up. You're like 18. You're working as a barback at a beloved local eatery and you learn how to properly pour a Guinness and you fall madly in love with like a manic pixie dream girl hostess who has bipolar. And then for the next like for every 3 years for the rest of your life you meet up with her to make out.
Was 14? Uh-huh. I worked at McDonald's.
Okay. It was a very formative experience. I worked there for 2 years. I made $5.05 an hour.
Uh-huh. When I got a raise, I got a 10 cent raise.
Exactly.
And then I was a busboy at a pool and yacht club.
I was a dishwasher at The Wing.
I don't know that. Like this co-working space for women and cuz everyone there is a woman like no offense women, but like no one could really no one really yelled at me cuz no one wanted to be confrontational. So, I would just blast music and they'd be like, "You're not allowed to listen to music." And I'd be like, "I'm going to." And they'd be like, "OKAY, QUEEN." SLAY. THERE WAS NO PROBLEM. BUT YEAH, I don't trust anyone who's never had a restaurant job. And you can like tell when a friend has not had a restaurant.
Especially when you're at a restaurant. They're asking to split bills based on what you got. You always split a bill evenly.
100% agree.
This of like being like, "I got the chicken and you got the burger. It's $2." It's not different. If you are eating with friends, you are paying for the pleasure of their company.
How about the birthday boy?
The person who is being celebrated doesn't pay a cent. Everyone else splits evenly. Cook. She cooked. I just think you should shouldn't have equal rights if you haven't worked in a service industry job. Like I If you've never cried in a walk-in freezer, I don't think you should be able to vote. I've jerked off in one.
OH, SO FINE. I'VE FINE.