The New York Knicks should never win a championship
Summary
A stranger who claims he was "found in a shed in March" delivers one of the show's most bizarre arguments: the New York Knicks should never win a championship because the celebration would be too dangerous. He's dead serious. The rider, who identifies as "a ball for the people," warns that eight fatalities followed the Pistons' 1990 win and insists Ben Stiller would die at MSG during a potential Knicks championship. Kareem pushes back, defending the honor of Jalen Brunson and New York's basketball fans. The conversation spirals further when the guest reveals he has no arms or legs and needs assistance, though he somehow manages without them for most of the interview. His proposed solution? Evacuate Manhattan or "hot box all of MSG prior." It's unhinged, weirdly thoughtful, and completely unforgettable.
Full Transcript
So, what's your take? The New York Knicks should never win a championship.
100% disagree. They absolutely should win a championship. Listen, in 1990, the Pistons, they won. And guess what?
Eight bodies hit the dirt. There were eight fatalities.
So, what? We should just never win. I want it to happen, but what's it worth? You know, listen, how about this? Do you like uh Meet the Parents?
I've seen that movie. You know there's a new one being made, right?
Yeah. I didn't know that. It's going to be pretty good. You want? You want to go see it?
Sure. You're not going to see it if Ben Stiller is dead. He's going to be in the stadium. You know he's going to be at MSG. How many Shallows and how many Stills are going to get blended at the end of that thing?
Where are you from? I'm from a shed.
You're from a shed? Yeah. I was found in a shed in March.
Why do you know so much about basketball? I'm a basketball man.
I feel like you're damaged. You're emotionally damaged. Yeah.
Because we deserve nice things in New York City. That's true.
And the Knicks deserve nice things. That's true.
And Jaylen Brunson deserves nice things. You're right.
We're a well-behaved city of beautiful basketball fans. And I think we might win next year. How far from MSG would you want to be? Game seven, Brunson hits a buzzer beater. I would not want to be in Manhattan.
Exactly. That's what I'm saying, dude. So, what? What? Wait? So, you get out and everyone else is not safe. This sounds like sabotage. This sounds like a curse. I want to like you. I think you're interesting. You have a nice face.
I'm just a ball for the people, man. I'm trying to keep everyone safe, you know.
So, when will we be ready to win? I think when we show that we can have a little bit more. Thank you. Sorry. I don't have arms and legs, so sometimes I do need human assistance.
Excuse me. Would you mind? Would you?
Would you mind not doing that? What are you going to do about it?
Nothing. I can't do anything. Yeah, you don't have any arms.
Thanks for pointing that out. I don't know what the fans are going to say. There's going to be a lot of people in the comments. Uh, they're going to be probably upset at you.
I want them to win. It would be great. It would be so sweet. But no, we have to evacuate the city or at the very least hot box all of MSG prior. It's not a bad idea. All right, buddy. Thanks for coming on the show. Fist bump.
Oh, sorry. I'm just...
It's okay. It's natural. Feels nice, huh? Can I do this? Are you okay with that?
You can. Now you have permission to do it. Yeah. Okay. Thank you. I always ask for consent before I touch someone's ball.