NOBODY talks about New York as much as a New Yorker who doesn't live there anymore
Summary
A straphanger declares that nobody talks about New York as much as a New Yorker who doesn't live there anymore, kicking off a rapid-fire riff with Kareem about the city's particular absurdities. The conversation veers from the reverse phenomenon (New Yorkers who stay but won't shut up about LA) to the pricing paradox of dollar pizza and thirteen-dollar juice. Rats count as nature. Roaches are small dinosaurs and family men. The passenger's proudest dating achievement? He's been married, divorced, and married again. That's how easy it is. They debate who can outlast the city, landing on the ultimate flex: being a hundred years old in New York. Just buy a place on StreetEasy and never leave. The two keep finishing each other's thoughts, arguing over whose line is whose, insisting nothing gets cut.
Full Transcript
So what's your take? Nobody talks about New York as much as a New Yorker who doesn't live there anymore.
100% agree. And the ones that leave, they talk about New York, and the ones that stay, they talk about LA. La Land. Exactly. It doesn't stop. And I emotionally cannot do that for people. I can't be fielding that conversation, right? They call you up, they say, "Man, I missed the city. How's the city?" It's the same. I like when people leave New York, they go upstate or something, and then they go, "I miss the city so much." I go, "Move back, right? Just move back." People think that it would be easy to leave New York. You have the closest convenience store to your house on your block with every flavor of Oreo you could imagine. And it's so nice and expensive. That's how you know the quality is great.
Exactly. I remember when I first moved here, I called my mom and I go, "You wouldn't believe it. The pizza's a buck and the juice is 13. Makes no sense." You know what I love about New York? The rats.
People say there's no nature in New York. That's not true. There's a rat outside my door every single time I walk out. There's a roach. I live in a zoo, basically. What's a roach? Roach is nothing but a small dinosaur. A roach is a family man. A roach is a provider. And I think that people that complain about dating in New York, they're wrong, right? I think it's great. This has been the easiest city I've ever dated. I've been married, I've been divorced, and I've been married again. That's how easy it is to date in New York.
That's incredible. I know New York sets you up for success. Yeah, it's a pain test, right? How long can you last? You can't like outmature New York. A lot of people like to say that they're like, "I've reached an age where it's time for me to go." There's nothing cooler or more badass you can do than be a hundred years old in New York City. All you got to do is go on Street Easy, find an agent to buy a place, and never leave.
100% agree. You can't steal my line. I can.
No, you can't. I can. I just did.
Show. I just did. Don't cut that out.