If you get in suspended for something you didn't do…
Summary
A high schooler pitches a wildly specific revenge fantasy: if a teacher falsely accuses you of something, you should get two minutes in their house to "do whatever you want." Kareem's immediately on board. The conversation spirals through the proposed chaos, from dumping bird seed everywhere to putting a turkey in the dryer to the cruelest move of all: swapping out their Roku stick while logged out. They riff on in-school versus out-school suspension (one's "like Guantanamo Bay, but boring," the other means playing Tony Hawk all day), whether students deserve salaries since they make zero dollars, and the logistics of a kid-friendly Purge. Things get uncomfortably edgy. The improvisational energy veers into references about Chris D'Elia and underground tunnels in Crown Heights before Kareem cuts things off.
Full Transcript
So, what's your take? If a teacher accuses you of something and you end up getting in school suspension, but then it comes out that you didn't actually do that, you should get to go into their house for 2 minutes and do whatever you want. 100% agree. The the purge, baby. The purge. Yes.
I'm so glad you agreed with me on this. Of course, I agree with you. Come on. I'm aing punk, dude. Yes. Let me in there.
But I think that it should happen regardless. So, just you should be go able to go into any teacher's home whenever you want for 2 minutes. Yes. 2 minutes is enough time to do enough damage. What would you do? I'm going in there. I'm opening every single window, dumping bird seed all over the floor. Uh, if they got a dryer, I'm going to put a perfectly cooked, juicy Thanksgiving turkey in there. Turn that to heavy duty. Um, I'm going to take their Roku streaming stick out. Put a new Roku streaming stick in there. Logged out. Yeah, they got to log into all their—
Oh my god, that's the worst thing you've said so far. But I mean, seriously though, in school, have you ever had in-school suspension? Of course I've had in school suspension. It's like Guantanamo Bay, but boring.
I didn't think it was that bad. So, you disagree on that? Yeah, I do on that point. I disagree. Out of school suspension rocks. You get to play Tony Hawk Pro Skater all day.
Oh, wait. Yes, you're right. Now I forgot then when they just say go home. Yeah, which is not a good punishment. Yeah. You get to uh smoke K2 and do Galaxy Gas with your cousin that lives down the street from you. Yeah.
Do you think teachers get paid too much? No.
Okay. Do you think teachers get paid too much? Everyone's always like, "Yo, the teachers don't get paid enough." But guess how much the students get paid? Zero. The students should get paid. We got bills to pay, too. Are you a student?
I'm still in high school. You're still in high school? Yeah. I like the Purge for kids. Here's the thing about the purge that uh never happens in the movies, but I was thinking about, you know, everything is legal, right? So, imagine it's just like the purge is starting and a guy just like logs into his computer, opens an incognito window, and just starts typing in C H I L D. And then we cut to another—
We cut to another scene. I'm trying to get Chris De more work, guys. He's had a—he's had a hard time getting work these days. 100% disagree with that one.
You gotta—you got a yes and more. Dude, you don't tell me how to improvise. Remember the tunnels that the hetic Jews were building in Crown Heights? Yes. I've been teaching improv classes down there. You might want to come uh sign up for one cuz