Coffee shops and restaurants that don't serve half and half should be shuttered
Summary
A straphanger with strong opinions about dairy thinks coffee shops without half and half should be "shuttered," which kicks off one of the weirdest conversations in SubwayTakes history. Kareem pushes back hard, suggesting oat milk or "titty milk" as alternatives. The rider insists he's actually tried breast milk and prefers it to half and half in his coffee. Things spiral. They riff on man milk versus nut milk, debate whether the rider should start "Paul's Half and Half" as a celebrity dairy brand, and land on the conclusion that both of them want their coffee creamers "thicker and richer." The plastic waste from little creamers comes up. So does putting butter in coffee. It's absolutely unhinged, and somehow it all started because this guy thinks half and half tastes better than regular milk.
Full Transcript
So, what's your take? I think that coffee shops and restaurants that don't serve half and half should be shuttered. Close.
100% disagree. 100% disagree. Well, I hate to do this, but you're incorrect. Half and half is more delicious than milk or reduced fat milk or any of these nut milks. This is crazy. My king, you want half and half? Get a little milk. Get a little creamer. A little creamer. Okay. If they have a little creamer, fine. People need to have half and half. It tastes better. And guess what? It's better for you.
I could get behind a half and half that's like half oat milk, half soy. Oat milk. I'm like, why are we milking nuts? What are we doing? Let's go back to dairy milk. This is crazy.
Or titty milk. Well, I don't think it actually tastes good. Have you had it?
Of course, I've had it. Have you? Haven't you had it? I've had it. I used to be addicted when I was a baby. I was addicted. Oh my God. Couldn't get enough of this stuff, you know.
Thank you. I—I—I got addicted for a little bit when my wife, uh— No, you didn't.
Yeah. Really? I was putting in my coffee. Squirt, squirt. No, you were not. Actually, I was putting it. I was just sucking. I—you know how the baby mimics its parents? I was mimicking the baby.
Oh, that's nice. We could also use man milk. Man milk. I—I don't know. I—I have had—I have had man milk.
Yeah, that's also known as nut. Yeah, but it's not nut milk.
No, I don't think you need nut milk. We need half and half. I hear you. But I don't know why you need half and half.
It's more delicious. Is it? Yes.
Why is it more delicious? Have you had it? Of course. In your coffee?
Of course. And you like breast milk better than half and half? Of course.
Wow. That's wild. No, it's not. It's really wild.
What are the best brands of half and half? You know that I'm not going to say.
Okay. I don't—I can't align myself with one big dairy. You know how some, uh, you know, influential people, celebrities, they start brands? Yeah.
You're an influential person. Like, you could start a dairy farm. Paul's Half and Half. Just half and half. Just little creamers. I—I don't think those are efficient. I think there's too much plastic. Do a big—do like a barista. A barista.
Yes. And call it Paul's Half and Half. But maybe we can think of something more creative. Yeah. That would take a while.
Or we could change the ratio. I would do more cream. Sure. I want more fat. Thicker. Richer. People put butter in their coffee. I like thicker and richer, too. Just like I like my beeps.
Oh.