Being Loud Should Be a Crime
Writer Brenda Cullerton has had it with the noise. In this episode, she makes the case for criminalizing jackhammers, banning backup beeps, and silencing the city once and for all. From sirens to leaf blowers to key fobs that honk for no reason, Brenda wants some damn peace. Credits: Host: Kareem Rahma Guest: Brenda Cullerton Creators: Kareem Rahma & Andrew Kuo Camera: Anthony DiMieri & Thomas Kasem Lim Editor: Tyler Christie Associate Producer: Ramy Shafi Artwork: Andrew Lawandus
Summary
Writer Brenda Cullerton is teetering between total dementia and murder, and she's blaming the noise. She wants jackhammers banned before 9:00 a.m., sirens cut to half volume like they are in Europe, and those backup beeps on trucks eliminated entirely. "If you can't see it coming, that's your problem, not the truck's problem," she tells Kareem. Her hit list keeps growing: key fobs that honk, restaurant music you can't talk over, and the constant barrage of horns from drivers who she thinks should be fined via anonymous citizen reports. She proposes a system where New Yorkers can photograph license plates and send violators straight to the DMV for punishment. Kareem's on board with all of it, even suggesting she run for mayor. Cullerton invokes Mayor Koch's old "Don't even think of honking here" signs as proof this problem is solvable. Tax the honkers.
Full Transcript
So, what's your take?
Okay, first a heads up. All right. I am teetering between total dementia and murder because the noise in this town is out of control. The noise in this town is out of control. Out of control. So, I would like to suggest that the mayor—mayor apparently we do have one—uh, pass legislation to lower the volume.
100% agree. Starting with 100% agree. Pass legislation in the city to lower the volume of the whole city.
Well, we'll end with the whole city. We'll start with the [__] jackhammers. Okay. 7:00 in the morning. This is what I get. Illegal. Start them at 9:00 in the morning. Shut them off at 4:00. I think just get rid of the jackhammers and use a different, a new device. Like a hydraulic jackhammer. Like something silent.
Yeah, like electric. It makes noises. And then what's next?
The horns.
Well, do it. We're going into sirens. [__] sirens. Do you know that in Europe they function at half the volume that we do? So, I'm talking police sirens, ambulance sirens, fire engines. I'm talking those dumbass convoys with the sirens that are probably taking the mayor to dinner. Uh, after the sirens, beep beep beep beep beep beep. Every time a truck backs up. Every time a truck backs up, I would rather be run over at this point.
You want to turn off the truck beeping?
Ban them. Ban the beeping on the trucks when they back up. You know, if you can't see it coming, that's your problem, not the truck's problem.
Yeah. I noticed you didn't mention horns.
Oh, they're coming. Next thing is your generation with these ridiculous key fobs. Okay. Key fobs. 'Cause they can't find their cars. I mean, we have been finding our cars for centuries without a key fob. Oh, you don't want the little horn. There's my car. Beep beep. No beep.
So you want a silent city. You want silence. Silent.
I mean, not silent. What about conversations? Lowering the volume. Do you like uh, music in restaurants, or are you anti-music in restaurants?
I'm anti-music. I mean, yeah, I mean, at high volume, what's what's the point? You can't hear who you're with.
It's an idea. You want to have a conversation?
Uh, yeah. Horns. However, horns are the last thing that drive me insane. Again, I think the mayor, you know, before he ends up like in a cell with Diddy, should pass more legislation that gives every citizen, okay, the right to issue a summons anonymously. Take a picture of the license plate. I like it. Okay, a video. You take a video of the honker or the jackhammer guy. Send it to the DMV. They sent the fine and we don't have to worry about money anymore.
Agree. Let's tax the honkers.
Tax the honkers. Tax the sirens. Tax the—tax the jackhammer guy.
Mayor Kotch, you know, he used to put signs. You don't know Kotch 'cause you're like 12 years old, but he used to put signs up all over town that said, "Don't even think of honking here." So, this is a new problem. And it worked.
All right. Well, I'm in. You're in all the way. You agree with everything. You should run for mayor.